New Year, New Me

Day One of 2016. This is the year I'm going to be true to myself. I know this won't always be easy, but it is what I'm going to strive to do. Being true to myself may mean saying the things I may not have in the past kept to myself. And expecting no less than what I deserve. This may mean I'll lose certain people, but I'm determined to find myself by staying true. I look forward to becoming stronger and happier. I will surround myself with those that truly love me and want my company. I will continue to participate in the activities I enjoy with people who have the right energy. I will continue to grow. 

Let go of the old ways when the going gets tough

Upcoming Test

I've been running without my Garmin since after the Buffalo Run in Sept. and I haven't worn my FitBit in 2 months or more. I'm really proud of getting away from these former needed items. I will most likely get a new more basic running watch soon. Just for new route measurements and such. 

I have been beating up myself less and less in regards to pace and finishing times. And (maybe not) surprisingly enough, I have been reaching my goals without needing my Garmin. I have felt better and more pleased with my accomplishments. But I am also realizing that I have put my body through a lot. It's been recommended I take a 2-3 month break from running after I finish my race season. I know that, big picture, this is for the best. But mentally, I am struggling with it. And I'm afraid that it may derail my recovery efforts with Ed. Thankfully I've made enough progress to address this fear as opposed to ignoring it and thinking I can face it on my own. I have reached out to family and friends to share my fear of this upcoming struggle. They are in my corner and willing to help when I find it too hard on my own. 

I know I will miss all the goodness running makes me feel. But I'm looking forward to returning rested, stronger, and healthier than I've ever been. I still have some big goals to accomplish!

M2M 2014

Yesterday's relay was amazing! Everyone did well and were great to spend the day with in and out of the van. I was also pleasantly surprised with how well my body held up. I wasn't even stiff for my last leg of the day. It all felt great. I will admit to feeling slightly intimidated by the second leg of 5.6 miles. But I walked the inclines and did what I needed to get through and finish strong. My last leg showed mile markers for the 50k. I had memories of running it the first year. Miles 18-21 were so tough and felt so desolate. I remembered how I cried a little and how Sami saved me that day. It made me happy and proud to feel so much stronger this time down that stretch. I had passed people and still wasn't hurting. Learning to take care of my body is paying off. I will continue to do the right things so I can keep getting stronger and faster. I'm not even sore today. I could almost cry knowing that I'm really getting it this time. There is still some fear, but I know I will be stronger than my fear and finally conquer this ugly monster. Seeing so many wonderful people throughout the day helped make the day what it was: Awesome and Amazing. Encouraging words from Stephanie before leg two and a hug from Annie before the team finish, really helped me feel like I count and that I deserve to be healthy. I am so proud of my team's accomplishments yesterday. And I also immensely proud of how far I have come and how much stronger I continue to get. The feeling I feel now is worth the struggle it took to get here. 

Continued homework

This time I am supposed to journal about my runs and how I was feeling surrounding that run, what all I had going on at the time, and how it felt. Tuesday was my first run post Double Half Mary weekend. And for the record, the weekend of back to back half marathons felt great! Great people, great weather, and smart running with strong finishes. Surprised my self both days with having juice at the end to kick in at the finish. Doug was a great encourager and really helped make the weekend happen. 

Tuesday's run started out brutal. It's hard to way off work, pick up E, and get across town in time for the group run. This time, E had gotten in trouble and had to wait for an incident report. And then I got a call from the director filling me in on what happened. Then I had to her E' side of it and discuss it with him. So I was already tired and stressed. And late. So I started by myself Nd really just tried to focus on listening to my body and running in a way that felt good. It took a couple of miles to get into the groove. I did pick up a friend at the turnaround Nd has a nice fast finish. I felt much better by the end of the run and E even complimented me on how quickly I was able to catch up to people. So it turned out to be a good night and a good run. 

Last night's film moon run in Omaha at Cunningham lake also started out stressful. I was looking forward to it all day bit got started late. It was dark and rainy when we got there so we missed the entrance. Twice. Thankfully Omaha friends had waited behind for me and directed me where to go. I'm so thankful for the friends I've made this year. A trail run at night was just what I needed. Coleen, Doug, and Dave are amazing and totally made the trip and the run worth it. I can't wait I see them in a few weeks at the Goatz 50k. 

Oh and dinner at Arby's with Marcus after the run was delicious! I even had my own curly fries!!! And I am definitely looking forward to two days of rest before the market to market relay this weekend!

Blessings

I did in fact go to church last night. The moment the opening sing came on, I knew I was where I needed to be. I may not always have my stuff together but I am doing what I can. I need to give God control and do my part to live by His will. I cannot fix everything but I can take joy in small things and do what I can to bring joy. 

And the extra days of rest that I am finding so difficult, I will also look to those as a blessing. My body needs recovery. I am giving my body what it needs. I won't suddenly forget how to run. I may run even stronger thanks to the extra rest. I am still on track to accomplish my goals. Adjustments are often necessary.  No need to punish myself. Rejoice that I am taking a break and thank my body for allowing me to do all the great things that I set out to do. Rest does not equal laziness. No shame today. 

Tough Day

Today has been a tough one. Haven't ran or anything since Sunday. Feeling a little cooped up and need to get out. But it's been so hard for me to exercise in the morning knowing all the energy it's going to take to get through the work day. And today I've had to figure out the one piece Curtis has been doing the last year and I hadn't learned before he was let go. I'm frustrated and tired. Not a good combo. Just going to get through this day as best as I can. May miss another night of bible study to get caught up at home and keep an eye on Maxxie. Still haven't seeing any major improvement in her balance yet this week. 

I'm ready for a break. Some down time. Catch up on laundry and little things. Then really busy my butt in handling what I need to at work. And then just get my butt moving so I feel good again. 

Road Warrior 1st Homework

Write one accomplishment I've achieved that makes me awesome. Celebrating where I am NOW. 

I am the once chosen to be Elijah's mom. No one else was selected for this role. It's me and only me. We are meant for each other. I may not always know what I'm doing or even be doing it well, but I love him with everything I've got. No one else can love him the way I do. Whenever I have doubt that I'm doing it right or if I even have it all together, I only have to take one look at him and know that if I do nothing else, I will always be his mom. And being Elijah's mom will always me the best thing I accomplish. Being Elijah's mom makes me awesome through his awesomeness. And yes, I'm glad that I can recognize that at the end of the day, my most accomplishment isn't running related. 

TGIF~Let's Reflect

Let's see, how did the week go? Work is still work, but we've got an action plan and a financial incentive for everyone to help out. the goal is fifteen leases in fortyfive days. We'll receive a flat bonus on top of our regular commission schedule. It'll be like getting my tax return all over again! We're up to three leases as it is and VERY close to our 3rd, 4th, & 5th! Jeff and I are not looking for bluebirds or prospects that aren't really suitable. We want to stay focused on quality and not quantity as we go through this marketing blitz.
With all the stress at work, I manage to take a day of rest from working out. It was struggle, but I managed. Monday's spin class was a good way for Karrie to ease back into it, I ran my hills Tues, speed on Thurs, and Spin at noon today. I needed to get out of the office and take the time for me. I cannot be effective and productive if I don't take the time for me.
All in all, this has been a great week! I've gotten my workouts in and I took a day off. Work is gonna take care of itself, so I need to let go and relax. Even my social calendar turned out great! Fabulous night out with Jeremy on Weds (and ended it with a very nice kiss). Last night went to church with my mom for a Seder dinner to celebrate Passover. It was very interesting and quite fun. Great opportunity to visit and have fellowship.
I am looking forward to a girl's night tonight. So glad Karrie took the initiative to suggest seeing Water for Elephants on its opening night! Tomorrow I am meeting Alicia for our long run. Then it's off to E's appt, followed by his bowling party. I also have plans to see Jeremy and we're gonna try frisbee golf. So glad I don't mind making a fool of myself! Elijah and I will be going to the Easter Vigil service that evening. Sunday we are wide open because we'll miss our family's Easter celebration for Elijah's bowling party. Guess I'll be mowing my field...I mean yard ;) Marcus says he'll clean out my gutters since I made him feel bad for giving me a hard time about "his" grass that didn't come back this spring. He's still hopeful that it might. Thinking it'll just have to wait till Fall when I can plant seeds again. Marcus is a whole other subject but it doesn't fit in my new perspective so it's not going here. I'm so glad I've come as far as I have and have so many positive things going right now!

New Week~Fresh Start!

My goal this week is to have a positive attitude towards work. I love what I do and the people I meet along the way. It's hard when we're putting in the effort and not getting the results. So instead of dwelling on the negative, I will focus on what is going well and what I like about my job. To help keep my sanity my workout schedule will be as follows: Mon Spin 5:30 NE Tues Run 5 miles (hills on tread~morning) Wed Spin 5:30 NE Thurs Run 6 miles with speed work (tread~morning) Fri Spin Noon NE Sat Bootcamp? Run 2 miles? Sun Run 8 miles w some hills The Lord is Risen so I can run 8 miles no prob, right? The half marathon is 4 weeks from yesterday and my training is going pretty well and I'm staying consistent. Really feel like I need to focus on hills a little more each week until I start tapering. My friend Alicia has one more week off from an injury until she can "ease" back into training again. I am praying she will be fine and will be ready to go next week. She'll still have 3 solid weeks to train before Papillion. Injuries can be so discouraging! I've been feeling some pain in my right foot like I experienced last year. I will commit to icing after each run in order to prevent true injury! Elijah got Just Dance 2 for the Wii for his bday. Waited till last night to open it. So much fun! Think it's gonna take a minute for Elijah to loosen up and Just Dance without worrying about the score. They have a Just Sweat option to use as a workout of sorts. I'm gonna try that out some night or morning when Elijah's in bed just to see what it's all about. Elijah and I will continue to practice our moves. Once we get our new furniture and arrangement in the basement, we'll bring the Wii out to the large TV and have a dance party! You definitely need room!! Fun things to look forward to this week: Tues Cub Scout Fun Night/Ice Cream social (I'll find gluten free ice cream for E) Wed Possible 3rd date w Jeremy Thurs Sedar Dinner at church w mom or 3rd date w Jeremy. E has plans w Tyler :) Fri Water for Elephants w the girls Sat E's bday bowling party and maybe evening plans w friends (and/or Jeremy?) Sun Easter!

Good news!

I am so stoked Karrie will be coming to noon spin class tomorrow! I went solo at noon on Monday and opted for an early run Wed rather than spin. I had plans for dinner that night and work is beginning to frown on my lunch time spin excursions :( My schedule this week has been as follows: Mon Spin at noon Tues Run 5 miles w speed work Wed Run 3 miles Thurs Run 6-7 miles w friends from the Y Fri Spin at noon w Karrie! :) Sat Spin at 9:30 at Fallbrook Sun Run 8 miles Monday Elijah and I had great session with Stephanie. He mentioned he was sad about not having the bday treats someone brought because they weren't gluten free. He will be bringing gluten free cookies tomorrow to share with the class for his bday. Tuesday it was nice to see some of my old running buddies and throwing in some much needed speed work I haven't done all year! Wed I had a fabulous dinner date at Vincenzo's! YUM!!! So glad I ran in the morning. Tonight after running I will be going to my sister in law's Arbonne party. Not really gonna buy but will be happy to try the watermelon margaritas. Not my favorite flavor so there's little risk I will drink too much ;) Saturday is Elijah's bday and I'll be baking a gluten free cake. Hope it tunrs out delish! I hate that Elijah is excluded from treats in other areas so I'm glad that he won't feel left out on his special day! He is doing so well at school and he says no when he knows it's an item that contains gluten. What other 9 yr old would be able to make those choices when the opportunity to "cheat" is available? I'm so proud of him! Did I say 9 yrs old? WOW!!!! So far this has been a good week. Work is still the pits, but that's why I have my workouts and personal time to enjoy. Work isn't my life and I will not lose myself in the stress. Staying positive though can be very draining and it's starting to take it's toll. Deep breath, followed by another, followed by another :)

TGIF!!

This week has seemed very long at work and I'm so glad it's Friday! Elijah seemed to push every button I have, which was even easier since I went to bed late last night. I am not sure why in the mornings he just doesn't seem to be able to focus what's so ever! It takes him over 20 mins to get dressed and this is with his clothes already laid out! Maybe I'm making it too easy on him so he feels he can take as long as he pleases to get dressed. I realize that he's only going to be nine here soon, but really? (Sigh) Thank goodness for noon spin class! I am glad I didn't get stuck at work and was able to make it. I was sorry to hear Karrie was also having a rough start to the day. But at least it's Friday (and payday~although I noticed there was no raise on this check. This makes me wonder IF and WHEN I'll be getting one. I had a stellar review. Just another reason work is frustrating!!!!!!). I am ready for the weekend, even if it's going to be raining and I work Sunday afternoon. Geuss I'll just have to make the most of my Saturday :)Elijah and I are running the Novartis 2 mile race, going to biofeedback, and then to the weater symposium. He can earn a belt loop or something by attending~should be fun. Then I'm planning on going to church that night so I can run eight miles on Sunday. I also have a night out planned tonight and tomorrow. Not sure I'm going to be able to keep up this extra social life for very long, but right now I'm having fun. I figure if I have time for my workouts, Elijah and his activities, and whatever other family stuff I have going on then I might as well fun when the opportunity presents itself. Looking forward to fun adult time next week with The Spelling Bee and my sister in law's Arbonne party Thurs. I don't plan on buying anything but there will be margaritas! I'll have ran that night so it'll be JUST fine :) I'm going to try and have a positive attitude the rest of the day, not think about work this week and begin next week with a positive attitude. All will be well! :)

Fabulous Weather!

I love the weather the last few days and not it sounds like we'll have some rain. My yard needs it so I won't complain. Monday was WINDY! I'm glad I enjoyed a spin class at noon. I was able to get a good walk in later in the day for work and thought I was going to blow away! Tuesday night Elijah and I threw the football around in the yard and fired up the grill for low fat turkey dogs. (No buns of course). I even got myself on the treadmill for 5 miles after Elijah was in bed. It took some motivation but so glad I got it done! Weds I went to spin class over lunch> I've never been on a Weds and Jessica was really pretty good. Fun music and fun group of people~great workout! I even went for an hour walk that evening at Mahoney Park. Fabulous night for it! Tonight I would typically run my 6 miles while Elijah has soccer practice. I need to run 7 tonight as the marathon is steadily approaching and I want my 8 mile run on Sunday to not be such a struggle. I have now made plans to meet a friend at Starbucks while Elijah is at practice. I have only been to starbucks one other time and my running friend ordered for me. So I am trying to research it a little bit to find out what will fit my taste buds without being too high in fat and calories. Not that I should care too much but I still plan on running 7 miles tonight although it was most likely be on my treadmill after Elijah's in bed once again. Looking forward to seeing Karrie at spin class tomorrow at noon. I won't make it to bootcamp once again this weekend. The way our schedule is looking now I won't make it the rest of this month :( Kedrick is so going to give me and Karrie a hard time once we finally make it back! ;) I may make it the 23rd but won't be there the 30th. May looks pretty good for regular bootcamp attendance. Hence why Kedrick should teach a Weds night class so we have more options. :) ALl in all this has been a great week. I've stuck to our meal planning and my workouts. It really helps ease any stress I may feel from work or anything else. My goal this spring and summer is to truly enjoy my time with Elijah and to make more time to share with friends!

No slacking!

I am not going to slack on my blog anymore or my workouts (thankfully that hasn't been a problem lately). Last week I was pretty proud of myself for running 3 times all on my own. The half marathon is a little over 4 1/2 weeks away!!! I feel I've been training with enough hills each time to help me be prepared for Papillion. Since this race is new to me, I have no idea how prepared to be so I am doing the best I can. My schedule for this week's workouts: Mon Spin (noon) Tues Run (5 miles) Wed Spin (noon) Thurs Run (7 miles) Fri Spin (noon) Sat Novartis 2 mile race w Elijah Sun Run (8 miles) Typically I would take a day off. I am going to enjoy the quick 2 miles on Sat and make it about Elijah's experience and not my training :) This week for dinner: Sun: Gluten Free pancakes Mon: Grilled Italian seasoned chicken Tues: Low Fat Turkey Dogs Wed: Left over grilled chkn Thurs: Gluten free spaghetti Fri: Blackened Salmon Sat: Gluten free waffles Sun: Patio Party at work. I'm gonna try to stick w fresh fruit & veggies :) Spin class at noon on Mon & Fridays may be come part of my new regular routine. Denise's craziness maybe just what a gal needs on a Monday afternoon! It's definitely more intense than Bev's evening class. I still love the gal on Wed nights and hope she sticks around as much as possible as her summer gets busier. Plus I am excited about the possibilities of joining Karrie on Tues nights for the Nacho ride! It'll be nice to get on an actual bike and take it for a spin~especially if food and good company awaits us at the midway point! :) I need to be more social so I don't get bogged down with everyday life. Work is stressful and being a mom can be stressful. Although life with Elijah is going pretty darn good right now! My goal is to get him riding his bike this spring! Then we can run around together~yippee!!

Reminder

As Karrie so kindly and lovingly pointed out, I have not been blogging nor really following her blog for quite some time~shame on me!!! So here I am once again, after reading a few of her recent posts I remembered this really only takes a few minutes of my day and I have those to spare. I love hearing how others are doing and I like to have an outlet to share how things are going for me as well. So here's what's happening: State Farm was this past Sat and I was not overjoyed by my performance. I realize that I should be proud of myself for just getting out there and doing it. I didn't do terrible by any means if you just look at my time. I wanted to do better and I wanted to FEEL better! I went for a quick 4 mi run last night and felt wonderful and like I was flying down the road! Last night felt MUCH better than Sat and has renewed my spirit as I train for Papillion in May. I am looking forward to spin class with Karrie tonight. I have not been to spin since last Wed~silly chemical leak at the Y! I will also run tomorrow night while Elijah is at soccer practice. We will be tryin gour first gluten free pizza from Godfather's for a family dinner with my brother while he is on leave from Afghanistan~should be interesting :) Friday I am hoping to spin at lunch or run 2 or 3 miles that evening. Saturday I will be doing yard work at my parents so I will miss bootcamp again and probably for the next couple of weeks. Sunday will be my long run and I hope to incorporate hills to be truly ready for the course in Papillion. All in all life isn't too bad. I've read one memoir of a recovering bulimic and have started another one. I wasn't too sure about this second one, but as I get into more I think it'll be pretty good. I've found myself slightly relasping and I need to remind myself of all the fabulous (and scary) reasons NOT to relapse any further!

Still Motivated...really

It's been a week and a day since my last post. I am happy to say I ran 5 miles last Tuesday while Elijah had scouts. It was a very hilly 5 miles with snow and ice in areas. I felt great when I was done and very glad for the appropriate gear to run outside. Wednesday I was able to meet Karrrie at the Northeast Y and kickboxing was subbed for TurboKick. It was a pretty okay class and I wouldn't mind trying it again, still like the kickboxing they usually have though. Thurs I donated blood and felt good about saving a life. So I decided to play it safe and not work out like they suggest. Friday I unfortunately had something come up at work and missed the noon spinning class. I have yet to really make it apart of my weekly routine,but hope to soon! Saturday I ran 4 miles before going to bootcamp. What a difference a month makes! I like that it's a smaller class and he always does something different! The next day my abs and shoulders sure felt the workout! WOW!! Glad to be back though and looking forward to next time! Sunday ended up being another day off for me. I had planned on a 7 mile run but stayed out too late on Sat nite. Sat was fun so I won't be myself up over it, but I really need to be getting my weekly miles in!!! Monday was a crappy weather day but E and I bucked it up and made it to spinning class. Again~very glad I did! Yesterday I thought real hard about jumping on my treadmill, but it didn't get past being just a thought. Today I am meeting Karrie at the NE Y for some cardio and weights, so I will be glad to get my run in today!! Tomorrow I will definitely run after work. I will dress for it before I leave work, as I would if I were going to the gym. That way when I get home I will be all set to go on my treadmill! Gotta get to where 5 miles is my easy breezy base!
The meal planning each night as also helped cut down on the hectiness in the evenings. Now if the weather would just cooperate so I can get to the grocery store!!!!!
Hanging in there and trying to hang tough! I will be so glad when all this white stuff disappears so I will feel more motivated to get out and about!!!

Tuesday~Otherwise known as Best Intentions Day...

Ahhhh, so it is Tuesday once again. It always seems I have the best of intentions to do something on this day....well run on this day really. If I am honestly going to run the Half this year I need to step up my running routine and not be so
sporadic. So I really need to run Tues, Thurs and Sat or Sun. Even a small run on Weds wouldn't be a bad idea every other week of so. I am not going to let this day just be filled with good intentions, but filled with action! I WILL run tonight! Elijah has scouts and there is a great trail/path in the area of his meeting. It gives me an hour and I really just need to get a 4-5 mile run done, so this leaves plenty of time!!!
I know I will feel better once I just do it, I always do. It's just getting to the point of doing. Gonna strap on the new running shoes after work so I'll be ready to go once I get E to scouts. No excuses, no "good intentions", just good ol' cleansing running!!! ineed to take the plunge and register for the Half to make my goal real! I need to put my running log in a VERY visible place as a DAILY reminder! I do enjoy running and I love that I know what I'm doing and have all the gear to get outside and go! It's gotten a little warmer this week, so there shoud be NO problem! Next step, get a light so I feel safer running in the dark...or runner's mace....hmmmm.... ;)

Snow Go AWAY!

Guess I can't REALLY complain about the snow, I still made it out for my worokouts.
Managed to run 2.5 miles on Wed before Kickboxing class,
Thurs I met up with the Y class for a mile fun outdoors (2 of those miles being "tempo),
Fri I took a break because I wore completely the wrong shoes at work for as much walking as I did that day!
Sat ran 6.25 miles outdoors and shot hoops for a half hour w Elijah
Sun (today) still debating~currently playing Wii sports with Elijah-that's gotta count for something, right? ;) AND I did shovel what felt like 3 feet of snow today, so I think I'm good!
We have our menu all planned for next week so we're ready to go on that end! Also have my workouts lined up with Bootcamp back in the mix on Saturday mornings with Karrie!! :)
Think I'll take E to shoot hoops more often because it was a lot of fun!!! Maybe even sledding will make it on the calendar again soon!

New Week

Starting a new week with new running shoes! Yippee!!! I am feeling a little dizzy today so I may rest my body and not go to spinning tonight. I will definitely run tomorrow night though followed by kickboxing on Wednesday. Elijah and I took advantage of the warmer weather and our day off and hit the bike trail. We went for a nice long 6 mile walk. Elijah was a trooper!! We even had the occasional snow ball fight along the way! :) We're also going to hit the courts a couple of times this week to hone up on our bball skills. Most likely we will do this on Tues and/or Thurs night. Wew have our dinners planned for the week as well so we're well on our way to moving and eating right this week!

Tonight Tacos
Tues Valentinos (Gonna eat more salad than pizza)
Wed Sandwhiches (busy night)
Thurs Baked Fried Chicken
Fri Hamburgers (lean turkey)
Sat Chili
Sun Hot Dogs (lean turkey dogs)
Making sure we're having frutis and veggies each night as well!

Thanks!

As Karrie pointed out, I haven't blogged in a while~thanks Karrie! I needed the reminder. Maybe it's because my focus has slipped a bit as well. Last weekend I went to KC w E and a friend and was in "vacation" mode. My eating was off and my workouts were non-existent! I did at least make it to spinning class on Monday. I intending to go to kickboxing on Wed but my childcare/taxi had other plans that night. So then I told myslef I'd run at home...didn't happen. Then I was going to go to spinning class last night before my nephew came over. Elijah made a big stink about going to child watch and I figured I could get a run in on the treadmill at home...again didn't happen. I need to stik to my schedule and hold myself accountable!!!! Made it on the treadmill today and headed to bootcamp tomorrow! I feel much better. I've gotta stop talking myself out of working out because I always feel better once I just do it!!!
Taking Elijah sledding today so I'm counting as a workout in itself! Plus it'll be fun!!!
Elijah and I will be doing our meal planning Sat afternoon for next week. We haven't done it yet and I will share all about it once we get it done!! :)
Thanks Karrie for helping me stay accountable!