New Year, New Me

Day One of 2016. This is the year I'm going to be true to myself. I know this won't always be easy, but it is what I'm going to strive to do. Being true to myself may mean saying the things I may not have in the past kept to myself. And expecting no less than what I deserve. This may mean I'll lose certain people, but I'm determined to find myself by staying true. I look forward to becoming stronger and happier. I will surround myself with those that truly love me and want my company. I will continue to participate in the activities I enjoy with people who have the right energy. I will continue to grow. 

Let go of the old ways when the going gets tough

Upcoming Test

I've been running without my Garmin since after the Buffalo Run in Sept. and I haven't worn my FitBit in 2 months or more. I'm really proud of getting away from these former needed items. I will most likely get a new more basic running watch soon. Just for new route measurements and such. 

I have been beating up myself less and less in regards to pace and finishing times. And (maybe not) surprisingly enough, I have been reaching my goals without needing my Garmin. I have felt better and more pleased with my accomplishments. But I am also realizing that I have put my body through a lot. It's been recommended I take a 2-3 month break from running after I finish my race season. I know that, big picture, this is for the best. But mentally, I am struggling with it. And I'm afraid that it may derail my recovery efforts with Ed. Thankfully I've made enough progress to address this fear as opposed to ignoring it and thinking I can face it on my own. I have reached out to family and friends to share my fear of this upcoming struggle. They are in my corner and willing to help when I find it too hard on my own. 

I know I will miss all the goodness running makes me feel. But I'm looking forward to returning rested, stronger, and healthier than I've ever been. I still have some big goals to accomplish!

M2M 2014

Yesterday's relay was amazing! Everyone did well and were great to spend the day with in and out of the van. I was also pleasantly surprised with how well my body held up. I wasn't even stiff for my last leg of the day. It all felt great. I will admit to feeling slightly intimidated by the second leg of 5.6 miles. But I walked the inclines and did what I needed to get through and finish strong. My last leg showed mile markers for the 50k. I had memories of running it the first year. Miles 18-21 were so tough and felt so desolate. I remembered how I cried a little and how Sami saved me that day. It made me happy and proud to feel so much stronger this time down that stretch. I had passed people and still wasn't hurting. Learning to take care of my body is paying off. I will continue to do the right things so I can keep getting stronger and faster. I'm not even sore today. I could almost cry knowing that I'm really getting it this time. There is still some fear, but I know I will be stronger than my fear and finally conquer this ugly monster. Seeing so many wonderful people throughout the day helped make the day what it was: Awesome and Amazing. Encouraging words from Stephanie before leg two and a hug from Annie before the team finish, really helped me feel like I count and that I deserve to be healthy. I am so proud of my team's accomplishments yesterday. And I also immensely proud of how far I have come and how much stronger I continue to get. The feeling I feel now is worth the struggle it took to get here. 

Continued homework

This time I am supposed to journal about my runs and how I was feeling surrounding that run, what all I had going on at the time, and how it felt. Tuesday was my first run post Double Half Mary weekend. And for the record, the weekend of back to back half marathons felt great! Great people, great weather, and smart running with strong finishes. Surprised my self both days with having juice at the end to kick in at the finish. Doug was a great encourager and really helped make the weekend happen. 

Tuesday's run started out brutal. It's hard to way off work, pick up E, and get across town in time for the group run. This time, E had gotten in trouble and had to wait for an incident report. And then I got a call from the director filling me in on what happened. Then I had to her E' side of it and discuss it with him. So I was already tired and stressed. And late. So I started by myself Nd really just tried to focus on listening to my body and running in a way that felt good. It took a couple of miles to get into the groove. I did pick up a friend at the turnaround Nd has a nice fast finish. I felt much better by the end of the run and E even complimented me on how quickly I was able to catch up to people. So it turned out to be a good night and a good run. 

Last night's film moon run in Omaha at Cunningham lake also started out stressful. I was looking forward to it all day bit got started late. It was dark and rainy when we got there so we missed the entrance. Twice. Thankfully Omaha friends had waited behind for me and directed me where to go. I'm so thankful for the friends I've made this year. A trail run at night was just what I needed. Coleen, Doug, and Dave are amazing and totally made the trip and the run worth it. I can't wait I see them in a few weeks at the Goatz 50k. 

Oh and dinner at Arby's with Marcus after the run was delicious! I even had my own curly fries!!! And I am definitely looking forward to two days of rest before the market to market relay this weekend!

Blessings

I did in fact go to church last night. The moment the opening sing came on, I knew I was where I needed to be. I may not always have my stuff together but I am doing what I can. I need to give God control and do my part to live by His will. I cannot fix everything but I can take joy in small things and do what I can to bring joy. 

And the extra days of rest that I am finding so difficult, I will also look to those as a blessing. My body needs recovery. I am giving my body what it needs. I won't suddenly forget how to run. I may run even stronger thanks to the extra rest. I am still on track to accomplish my goals. Adjustments are often necessary.  No need to punish myself. Rejoice that I am taking a break and thank my body for allowing me to do all the great things that I set out to do. Rest does not equal laziness. No shame today. 

Tough Day

Today has been a tough one. Haven't ran or anything since Sunday. Feeling a little cooped up and need to get out. But it's been so hard for me to exercise in the morning knowing all the energy it's going to take to get through the work day. And today I've had to figure out the one piece Curtis has been doing the last year and I hadn't learned before he was let go. I'm frustrated and tired. Not a good combo. Just going to get through this day as best as I can. May miss another night of bible study to get caught up at home and keep an eye on Maxxie. Still haven't seeing any major improvement in her balance yet this week. 

I'm ready for a break. Some down time. Catch up on laundry and little things. Then really busy my butt in handling what I need to at work. And then just get my butt moving so I feel good again.